“I dream too much, and I don’t write enough, and I’m trying to find God everywhere.”
If you know anything about me you know I love to read. I have always been a lover of words. The last part of the quote really defined me. I have been trying to find God everywhere. I tried to find him at high school, through people, through serving at various organizations, among the poor, among evangelical Christians who have so much faith it makes me jealous, in people who don’t believe in God, in nature, by going to a Christian College, mentors and on long drives. Sometimes searching for God gets weary. All the searching makes me tired. The verse in Jeremiah 29:13 which says ” If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me” always frustrated me. I told God I have been searching inwards through prayer, community, reading scripture, serving, and worship. I have searched inwards and outwards. It just of tens seems like I can’t find Him. But recently I have noticed He shows up when He is ready. It is not that He doesn’t want to show up for you. You may not be ready for what He has to say. Or you may be making the wrong choices. But He will always remind us of His love for us. Sometimes it is revival. However, for me it never has been. I never had one moment with God that was a huge transformation. He is working on me slowly. He pushes me. He makes me realize I need to change inwardly. He is there to guide me. He loves me. He rebukes me. He gently breaks down my walls.